


Sunlight

by caimani



Category: As It Is (Band), Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Hospitals, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 14:26:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17285786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caimani/pseuds/caimani
Summary: The heart monitor is beeping steadily.The blinds on the window are open, and the sunlight streaming in makes the colors on the ‘Get Well Soon!’ balloons bright and cheery. The cards, the dozen or so stuffed animals, the flowers— all of it brings color to the otherwise plain white room.Awsten hates it.





	Sunlight

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted on tumblr [here](http://caimani.tumblr.com/post/181565867313/sunlight)

The heart monitor is beeping steadily. 

The blinds on the window are open, and the sunlight streaming in makes the colors on the ‘Get Well Soon!’ balloons bright and cheery. The cards, the dozen or so stuffed animals, the flowers— all of it brings color to the otherwise plain white room.

Awsten hates it.

Sitting in a chair pulled up beside Patty’s bed, he holds Patty’s hand in his and strokes it gently. His eyes travel from Patty’s unmoving sleeping face to the clean bandages around his neck and chest and other arm. Awsten feels cold inside as he looks away from that to the screen of the heart monitor.

Beep.

Beep. 

Beep.

Awsten looks back at Patty.

“You…” he says, his voice a bit rough from earlier when he was— yeah. “You’re looking better.” He pauses. “You always look great, but… you know. They said everything should heal up alright.”

Patty is as motionless as ever. Awsten slumps forwards, his gaze drifting down to the fresh ugly scar slashed from the back of his hand down his arm. From— from that.

The skin is still new and it feels weird when he touches it.

Awsten hates looking at it but he forces himself to stare at it anyway. He wants to burn the reminder into his retinas, into his brain. Stupid, stupid, _idiot_. 

It’s not fair that he got out of that so easily. And Patty’s—

“I, um,” Awsten takes a shaky breath. “I hope you can hear me. They say, sometimes you can hear… what people are saying to you…”

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Awsten reaches up to mess with his hair. The action reminds him of how Patty always plays with his hair, so he stops. He sighs, shaking his head hard enough to make his head ache with the reminder that he forgot breakfast. Fuck, he’s a fucking mess. He wants to torment himself but he knows that Patty wouldn’t want him to do that.

But he’s the reason Patty’s in here. Even if everyone keeps saying it wasn’t his fault and nobody, especially not Patty, would blame him. Every time Geoff or Jawn or Ali drop him off here, they stop and tell him, “You know it’s not your fault.” Awsten doesn’t care about their reassurances.

He blames himself.

“I bet you’re sick of being in here,” Awsten says, letting go of Patty’s hand to reach out and move Patty’s bangs to the side. “You always said you didn’t like hospitals. And they’ve got you in the most boring gown thingy I’ve ever seen. Soon as you wake up, I’m bringing you like your entire closet so you can pick out something you like better.”

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Awsten closes his eyes, hoping he doesn’t start crying again. “You are going to wake up… right? I… I don’t want… I don’t want to—”

Patty is still silent. Still unresponsive.

Awsten gets up and walks over to the table where all the gifts and things are. 

“I’m going to talk until you talk back to me,” he decides. He’s done this before, but… it makes him feel something. “The apartment’s still really nice. They won’t let me bring Maximillion in here, but he’s still as awesome as ever. Still tiny and really fluffy. I’ve been letting him sleep on the bed— I know you don’t like that, but he makes this little puppy face at me and licks my hand until I pick him up.”

Awsten smiles, looking at the little plush dog that Ben found, that looks exactly like Maximillion. Then the smile fades and he looks back across the room, at Patty. 

“I… I think I took it for granted,” he says, almost in a whisper. “Waking up to see you beside me every morning… I mean, first of all, I didn’t think something that amazing would ever happen to me. Then… I thought that would be my forever. _Our_ … forever. I didn’t think… I didn’t think something like this could happen.”

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

“I’m sorry, Patty.”

**Author's Note:**

> also in this universe: [Starlight](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17285825)


End file.
